As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize