How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
