I hate your face
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize