Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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