oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I made him laugh his dick is mine
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
