I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Church boner. Awkwardddd
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
