i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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