I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize