overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
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