You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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