what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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