so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
