Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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