...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize