Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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