Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
