Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
