Don't you send me to vm
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize