'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
