okay pat passed out under dana's car
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
