Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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