Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
