Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
