His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
