Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
