Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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