I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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