I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I touched a dick in church today
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
