his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
