I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
