So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
