mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
