Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
