things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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