Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
My pussy is not your playground.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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