just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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