Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
