He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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