be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
