Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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