If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
