Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
