That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
send nudes
from the living room?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
