God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Randomize
