pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize
