Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize