she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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