sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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