Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
