No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
