why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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