the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
then he tried to convert me to islam
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
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