I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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