So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
