By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
They have beer where we have blood.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
