I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
