oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
