jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
