Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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