Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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