We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
