you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
