im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
