What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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