at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
