come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
someone owes me an orgasm
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
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