His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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