Define "chronic" masturbator.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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