I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
We're too hungover to prance.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
