onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize