That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize