i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Randomize
