exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
