I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
All the doctor said was why
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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