We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
