You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
vagina is talking i cant
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
