You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
